The Perimenopause Husband
Perimenopause Itchy Skin: What Her Husband Should Know
We'd be out working outdoors. An ordinary day.
And every now and then she'd be scratching at her arms.
Where we were working, there are midges. Tiny things. You can't even see them, and they bite like a mosquito. So I put it down to those.
She said she wasn't getting bitten. Just itchy. For no reason.
Can perimenopause make your skin itchy?
In our house it was one of them.
It sits on the list of what I watched her carry, next to the hip, the shoulder and the hair. Itchy skin with nothing on it. No bites. No rash. Just itchy.
On the way through to menopause, her body is going through a hormonal, biological change. It doesn't send a list of where it's going to show up. The skin is one of the places it can.
Itching has plenty of causes, though. If it's constant, if there's a rash with it, or if it's keeping her up, that's one for a doctor or a specialist in this field. It might be something else, and she deserves to know which.
What did I get wrong?
I had my answer ready, and it was the wrong one.
The midges made sense to me. We were outside. They're there. They bite. Bare arms, open sleeves. Done.
Except she'd already told me. Not bitten. And it wasn't a jumper scratching at her either. Open skin, open sleeves, itchy anyway.
I had a better explanation for her body than she did. That's the bit I'd take back.
Is it every day?
Not in ours. Odd occasions, during the day.
Not at night, either, and a lot of women say that's where it's worst. Ours wasn't.
It didn't happen often. Enough to notice. Not enough to make a big deal of.
That's worth saying out loud, because not every symptom turns up with a bang. Some of them just come and go in the middle of a day's work. They still count.
Our house is not every house. For some women it's every night and it doesn't let up. If that's your house, it's a bigger deal than ours was, and the doctor line above is for her.
What can a husband do about her itchy skin?
Here's one of the tools. There are plenty.
Take her word over your theory.
When she tells you what it isn't, believe her. If she says she's not getting bitten, she's not getting bitten. If she says it isn't the jumper, it isn't the jumper.
The bloke move is to keep finding causes. It feels like helping. What it actually says is, I know your body better than you do.
She doesn't need a cause from you. She needs "itchy for no reason" taken as a real answer, because for now, that's exactly what it is.
It was the same with the hot flush, or hot flash, in our house. The heat was never coming from the room. And the itch was never coming from the midges.
Does it go away?
I can't tell you that, and neither can anyone who hasn't seen her.
In ours it came and went, on odd days, with no pattern I could pick. These things arrive whenever they want. She gets no more warning than you do.
When she tells you what it is, and what it isn't, she's the one who'd know.
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