The Perimenopause Husband
How to Deal With a Wife in Perimenopause: Lose One Word
How to deal with a perimenopausal wife. I typed that once. The word deal was the problem. What I said instead, and the one bait I stopped taking.
The blog
Straight Answers for Husbands
Every article starts with a real moment from a real house, and ends with something you can do tonight.
Why Is My Wife Always Mean to Me? A Perimenopause Read
Why is my wife always mean to me? In our house it was never yelling. It was an edge, then silence. What I read into it, and the one thing to read instead.
Perimenopause for Husbands: What to Expect, Start Here
Perimenopause for husbands, a plain guide from one. What it is, what to expect in your house, the five weather patterns, what I got wrong, and where to start.
Why My Wife Is Up at Night: Perimenopause Toilet Trips
Every night she's up to the toilet, even with nothing to drink late. My fix for it was the wrong one. The one thing a husband should drop.
Perimenopause Dizziness: When She Needs to Lie Down
I came home and the kids said there was no dinner and Mum was upstairs. All she'd say was, I need to lie down, I'm not feeling well. It was dizzy spells.
Perimenopause Bloating: What Her Husband Should Know
We'd get takeaway and she'd say, I'm already feeling bloated and now I've just eaten this rubbish. I heard the wrong half of that sentence. The one thing to hear.
Perimenopause Emotional Fatigue: The Funk and the Thank You
In the middle of an ordinary day she stopped and said, thank you for getting me out of my funk earlier today. I made a joke. What that thank you taught me.
Perimenopause Itchy Skin: What Her Husband Should Know
Out working, she kept scratching at her arms and I blamed the midges. She said she wasn't getting bitten. What I'd tell a husband about the itch now.
My Wife Is in Perimenopause and Wants a Divorce
My wife never said it. It never got to that stage in our house. What I'd say to the bloke who has heard the word, and the one thing to do that night.
Perimenopause Periods All Over the Place: His Side
Heavy one month, a trickle the next, then six months of nothing. In twenty odd years I'd hardly given her periods a thought. His side, and one thing to do.
Perimenopause Night Sweats: Setting Up the Bedroom for Her
Two sets of sheets, hers and mine, still in the same bed. The aircon left on when it was cool for me. How we set the bedroom up for her night sweats.
Going With Her to the Doctor: A Husband's Perimenopause Job
I didn't go to the first appointments for her headaches. When the doctor said specialist, I started going, and saw how serious it was. What I'd do from day one.
Perimenopause Signs That Go Unnoticed by Husbands
She'd lose a word mid sentence and I'd jump in. The tingling in her hands, the worry of no control, she carried quietly. The signs I missed, and one question.
A Perimenopause Survival Guide for Husbands
A bad week in our house, mapped. The 3am wake up, the foggy afternoon, six o'clock dinner, the frightening night. And the one question I ask before lights out.
What Is Perimenopause Like for Husbands? Here's Ours
What is perimenopause like for husbands? In our house it was not knowing which day I'd get, and quietly keeping score. What that did, and what to put down.
Perimenopause: When She Says She Doesn't Feel Like Herself
She said it flat: I don't feel like myself any more, and I don't know why. I heard something about me and made her explain it. The one thing not to ask.
A Perimenopause Letter to Your Husband, From One
For her to send to him. A letter from a husband who got it wrong first, to the bloke in your house. What I missed, what she carries, one thing to do tonight.
What Every Husband Should Know About Perimenopause
Ten things I wish someone had told me about perimenopause before it was in our house, each one from our kitchen, not a textbook. And the one line to swap first.
Perimenopause Shoulder Pain: When Her Shoulder Froze
My wife's shoulder froze. I had a fix ready, the pillow that sorted mine and our son's. It did nothing for her. What I got wrong, and what to do first.
What to Say to Your Wife During Perimenopause
She'd been in a storm for a day and a half. When it lifted, I said one line and she took it well. What to say to your wife during perimenopause, and when.
Signs My Wife Is in Perimenopause: The Seven I Missed
Seven signs of perimenopause turned up in our house. I had another explanation for every one. Here they are side by side, and how to catch them sooner.
Perimenopause Mood Swings: Learning to Read Her Weather
Same woman, different day, completely different person. What perimenopause mood swings looked like in our house, and the one thing that changed how I read them.
Why Is My Wife Always Tired? It Was Perimenopause
She'd say she was tired. I'd say get an early night. Her tired was the kind sleep doesn't fix. What it was, and the one thing to stop saying.
Perimenopause Explained for Men: The Autopilot
Her body is the plane. She's the pilot. The hormones are the autopilot, and perimenopause keeps switching it off. Explained for men, with one thing to do.
What to Ask Your Wife in Perimenopause: One Question
For years I asked my wife what was wrong and got nothing back. The one question that works better, and how to ask it so it is not one more job for her.
Perimenopause Hair Loss: When Her Hair Comes Out in the Shower
Her hair was coming out in the shower in clumps, and turning up on her chin. I filed it under getting older. The one thing not to do when she brings it up.
Perimenopause and Noise: When the Sound of You Eating Is Too Much
My wife only mentioned it a couple of times. The crunch of an apple, me breathing heavy, on her harder days. The fix was turning myself down.
Perimenopause Heart Palpitations: The Night Her Heart Put Us in Hospital
She went upstairs to lie down, and on the bed she told me her heart was racing. It wasn't the first time. It was the time we went to hospital.
Does Every Woman Get Every Perimenopause Symptom? Learn Her Weather, Not the List
When I first read the list of perimenopause symptoms, I started seeing all of it in my wife. That was its own way of not paying attention. The list is not her.
Perimenopause Joint Pain: The Night My Wife Could Not Walk
My wife could not walk. One working leg, and me in the waiting room running through what she might have lifted. Then the doctor said one thing I am still thinking about.
My Wife Wants Time Away From Me: Perimenopause and Her Own Hour
We have a full gym out the back, big enough for all six of us. She still went to yoga on her own. I did not get it. It was never about the gym.
Showing Affection in Perimenopause: When Holding Her Hand Feels Awkward for You
I hug my mates. I hug my kids. But holding my wife's hand in the shopping centre felt exposed, so for a long time I left it alone. That was about me, not her.
My Wife Is Overwhelmed: Perimenopause and Waiting to Be Asked
For most of my marriage I waited to be asked. I was not refusing anything. I just did what she handed me. It took me years to see that the handing over was the heavy part.
Perimenopause Good Days and Bad Days: When to Ask Her for Something
I asked her to ring the mechanic on a storm day and it did not get done. I left it, even with the clock running. Same ask the next afternoon, done in an hour. One of the tools for timing the ask.
Perimenopause Weight Gain: She Is Doing Everything Right
We downloaded the same fitness app. It worked for me and did nothing for her. Then I said the wrong thing about her body, and she went quiet about it. One thing to do instead.
Perimenopause and Low Libido: She Hasn't Gone Off You
It was there in our house. It never became a war, and I only worked out why a while back. She has not gone off you. Her body has gone offline. And one of the tools that kept the couch safe in our house.
Perimenopause Anxiety: She Woke Up Scared and Nothing Was Wrong
She woke up anxious and it came to work with us in the van. Nothing in particular, just little jobs she could not get to. I told her not to worry about it. The worst thing you can say to a woman who is frightened of nothing, and the one sentence I would say instead.
A Perimenopause Book for Husbands: What It Should Actually Tell You
For a couple of years I called it getting older, because nobody had given me a better word. Then I went looking and found plenty about her hormones and nothing about my house. What a book for husbands should actually tell you.
Is It Perimenopause or Something Else?
My wife said hey hun, that's not perimenopause talking, I'm just bloody annoyed at you. She was right. How to tell the weather from something that needs a doctor or a specialist, and from you.
Perimenopause vs Menopause: The Difference, From the Bloke Who Got It Wrong
We had four kids go through puberty in this house, so when it started with my wife I filed it under here we go again and waited. The difference between the two words, and why it changes what you do tonight.
Can a Marriage Survive Perimenopause? What Changed in Ours
We did not have a big blow up. We had the silence in the car, and I had started to accept it. What changed in ours, and the one thing we put ahead of us.
What My Husband Needs to Know About Perimenopause
She told me she supposed she was just a grumpy old woman now. Three things a husband actually needs to know, written by one who got it wrong for years, and the one thing to tell him.
Perimenopause and Sleep: The 3am Side of the Bed
She was awake at three most nights, and I was lying there irritated about my own sleep. What the nights look like from the other side of the bed, and the one small noise to stop making.
Perimenopause Ruining My Marriage: The Honest Version
Nothing, every evening, until I started to wonder if this was how it ends. Why I was wrong but not stupid to think it, and the one signal to watch instead of asking.
How Long Does Perimenopause Last? A Bloke's Honest Answer
Six months of nothing, and we thought we were through it. Then it came back out of nowhere. Why you cannot count it down, and the one question to stop asking her.
She Saves Her Smile for Everyone Else: The Perimenopause Energy Paradox
She came home from coffee with her friends and the lights went out. Why the good version goes to everyone else, and the one thing to stop saying about it.
Hot Flushes: What One Actually Looks Like, and What to Do When It Hits
Middle of winter, and she took her clothes off. I read it completely wrong. What a flush actually looks like from the other side of the bed, and the one thing to do when one hits.
What Not to Say to Your Wife During Perimenopause
Three questions I asked over and over, all of them reasonable, all of them wrong. What each one did to her, and the four words that work in any weather.
What's For Dinner: Perimenopause Decision Fatigue at Six O'Clock
Three words landed on my wife like a weight every evening. Why small decisions cost so much by six o'clock, and the one thing to do about it tonight.
When Your Husband Doesn't Get It: A Letter From One Who Didn't
I told my wife she was better off at home, in someone else's house, and spent the afternoon deciding it was her problem. What he is actually thinking, and the one line that got through to me.
My Wife Hates Me: What Perimenopause Resentment Is Actually Saying
The morning kiss landed on her cheek, and I spent a week deciding my wife hated me. What the cold was actually saying, and the ten seconds in a hallway that broke it.
The Headaches That Scared Us Both: When Perimenopause Looks Like Something Worse
Headaches, dizziness and numbness that took my wife out completely, and the year we spent finding out what they were. What a husband should do long before the ambulance conversation.
Perimenopause Rage: Why It Lands on You First
The dishwasher, loaded to help, done wrong by her system. Why the anger aims at home first, why that is trust and not punishment, and the one thing to do when the storm hits.
How to Explain Perimenopause to Your Husband, Written by One
You shouldn't have to explain this to him on top of living it. What's actually going on in his head, and the shortcut that works better than any talk.
Perimenopause Crying for No Reason: The Tears She Couldn't Explain
She was crying and she couldn't tell me why. Why the question what's wrong is the wrong one, and the small thing that helped.
Nobody Home: What Perimenopause Brain Fog Looks Like From Across the Table
She's looking right at you and none of it is landing. Why she forgets things she cares about, why it isn't laziness, and what helped in our house.
Perimenopause Symptoms: What a Husband Actually Notices
Not a medical list. The heat, the fog, the tears, the quiet and the scary ones, as they actually look across a real kitchen table.
My Wife Is Going Through Perimenopause. What Do I Do?
The question every bloke types into his phone at 11pm. The honest answer, from one who typed it too.
Perimenopause Wife Angry at Me: It Was Never About the Teaspoon
She slammed a cupboard door over a teaspoon. It was never about the teaspoon. What the rage is actually about, and what to do on those nights.
How to Help My Wife Through Perimenopause: Two Things That Never Work
Fixing it and shooting through both fail. The sixty-second morning forecast that changed how we get through the hard days.
My Wife Has Gone Quiet and Distant. Is It Me?
She was at the dinner table and she wasn't there. What the quiet usually means during perimenopause, and the one thing to do about it tonight.
What Age Does Perimenopause Start? A Bloke's Rough Numbers
I had the number in my head wrong for years, and it cost us time. The rough timeline every husband should know, in plain language.
Menodivorce: The Divorce Spike Nobody Warns Husbands About
Divorce filings spike during perimenopause, mostly started by the wife. Why it happens, and why it's nowhere near inevitable.
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