The Perimenopause Husband
Perimenopause Night Sweats: Setting Up the Bedroom for Her
Some nights I'd half wake to the movement, and the heat coming off her side of the bed.
She'd be awake at two with the sheets soaked. Covers off. Covers back on. Then three.
The first things we changed were the bed and the room.
Two sets of sheets. Hers and mine. Still in the same bed.
And I left the aircon on, even on nights when it was cool for me.
What are perimenopause night sweats like from his side of the bed?
In our house it was the sheets that told you. Damp on her side, and her lying there trying to get her temperature back.
It's the same heat as a hot flush, or a hot flash, as it's called in other parts of the world. At night it has nowhere to go but the bed. The first time I saw one I read it completely wrong, and the winter night is its own post.
What the hours after it were like for her, and the one thing I had to stop doing, are in the 3am side of the bed.
What did I get wrong about the bedroom?
Here's the honest bit. For a while, neither of us questioned it.
One bed. One set of sheets. One temperature. That's how it had always been, so that's how it stayed.
We were trying to fit two different nights under one set of sheets. Hers was too hot. Mine was fine. It was never going to work for both of us at once, and she was the one paying for it at two in the morning.
What did we change first?
The sheets. Two sets on the one bed. Her sheet, her blanket. My sheet, my blanket.
She could throw hers off in the middle of the night without dragging mine with it. I could stay as warm as I needed on my side, whatever her night was doing.
Still in the same bed. I want that bit to be clear.
Then the room. I left the aircon on, nights it was cool for me too. The room ran a lot cooler than I'd have picked for myself.
That was the start, among other things. The rest of what changed in our bedroom is in the book.
How cool should the bedroom be for her?
Cooler than you'd pick. That's the honest answer.
Here's one of the tools. There are plenty.
Run the bedroom at her temperature. If you're cold, that's yours to fix, on your side.
Pull your own blanket up. Put a long sleeve on. Whatever it takes on your half of the bed.
What you don't do is turn the room back up, or lie there telling her how cold it is. She's not making the room cold to annoy you. Her body is running hot, and the room is the only thing either of you can turn down.
Do we have to sleep in separate rooms?
We didn't. We stayed in the same bed, and the two sets of sheets are a big part of why.
Some couples do go to separate rooms for a stretch, and that is their call to make, not mine. Our house is not every house.
When are night sweats worth seeing a doctor about?
In our house the bad nights ran for months.
If the sweats are wrecking her sleep for weeks on end, or anything about them worries either of you, see a doctor or a specialist in this field. A cooler room is something you can do. It is not the only thing that can be done.
Does it get easier?
The nights got easier once the bed and the room were set up for her, not for me.
I sleep fine. A bit cooler than I'd choose. That's a fair trade.
Start With the Weather
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